By J. D. Rider

 

 

jdrider5@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

A little-known statistic says that nine percent of women who get catastrophic tinnitus will try to suicide, while five point five percent of men will also do the same. (Jarach, Lugo, Scala, et al.) So with these respective numbers, the tallies amount to one in 10 women, more or less, and one in 20 men, alarming for a condition that the mainstream often dismisses as nothing but small fry, a driving misconception that it’s “just some harmless noises,” which some proclaim as sensible, although that’s flawed from ignorance. Tinnitus itself is not a rare anomaly, God knows that it’s a common thing (the mild, stable ringing ears), and 15 percent of human beings endure the stupid thing (Cleveland Clinic).

 

 

Like any illness, though, tinnitus can range from nuisance to disastrous, from small to crippling. Yet because the catastrophic kind is far less common worldwide, people cannot fathom it (well most can’t, anyway). But think about it this way—compare these two with injuries: person one has mild aches and throbbing pains that radiate along the lumbar area with intermittent prevalence; they still live life and exercise and power through them every day; their back is just a pesky thing; but person two is fighting hell—herniated, burning discs that make them bedbound every day; they cannot move without a knife which digs into their lower back. Apples/oranges, isn’t it? For the former the problem is a miniscule intruder. For the latter, however, it defines their whole existence. The same is true for tinnitus—severity is everything.

 

 

Imagine for a moment, then: there’s no such thing as surgeries or meds for herniated discs. Suicides would happen, right? Of course they would to some degree. Well that’s the case with tinnitus; no cure or treatments crushes them, reinforces hopelessness. Why some cross this vicious beast is purely speculation. Research needs to answer that, and research sways the optimist to count on future treatments, but most think that’s improbable, and cling to pessimism, since research is a trudging thing that hasn’t altered tinnitus for over half a century.

 

 

But understanding tinnitus is knowing its malicious side. What constitutes the most severe? Well, mild tinnitus is stable and low in volume, something that blends into the background. That’s called habituation. Most of the time you don’t even know it’s there. But then there’s the people whose tinnitus is blaring, pounding endless decibels like punches from a swole MMA fighter. Or, as if a JBL PartyBox 100 Bluetooth speaker were installed inside their ear and cranked up all the way. For some it’s both ears getting cranked. And others swear their tinnitus is louder than a concert, “reactively” controlling them.

 

 

“Reactive” tinnitus: what that means is that the presence of noise worsens it, and not from crazy loud stuff—from normal, daily noises. For the worst of the worst and the most unlucky souls (the many helpless victims we have featured on our website), these encounters worsen their condition; sometimes permanently, even with protection on (the highest-rated earplugs and earmuffs). So they avoid these irritants—these sounds from daily life. Things like conversations, riding in a car, shopping at a store, watching television with a low amount of audio, even showering, even brushing teeth! Anything with noise. You see the paradox? Life is noise, isn’t it? Everything we do is noise, noise, noise. Even tiny things. But they have lost their tolerance, perhaps from damaged aural nerves, or maybe something middle ear- or cochlear-related, the brain or other factors (again, it’s speculation, and research needs to happen).

 

 

But those who suffer tell it best.

 

 

Kurt Wrigley, 29, in the Midwest of the USA, lost his chance at fatherhood. “I can’t be a present dad to my almost two-year-old son most of the time. Kids make babbles and lots of noises. These have made my tinnitus get worse and worse and it hasn’t come back down. I have to wear earplugs and earmuffs constantly to fight off the furnace noise and the outside chirps of many birds which come right through the walls. As I write this I’m listening to a siren of screaming noises in my head. It happens all day, and it’s unbelievable. That this is possible is unbelievable.”

 

 

Travis Henry, 40, who resides in Dallas, Texas, went from riches to rags with the entrance of reactive tinnitus. “I lost my job making over six figures a year. I have a dozen tones that scream. It sounds like a hurricane in my head. And making noise worsens it. I can’t talk, can’t shower or even do a careful wipe down at the sink without my symptoms worsening, can’t be around my cat. His purring makes my ringing rise. All I do is hide in my room. Haven’t went outside in ages. My tinnitus sounds like it’s as loud as a gun, and wearing earmuffs to try block out noises increases its intrusiveness, because the tinnitus gets even louder when I do since ambient sounds aren’t competing with it. I’m at death levels, friends. I know that someday I’ll likely have to pull the plug. I’m incompatible with 99 percent of life.”

 

 

Destinee Moore, 39, of Jacksonville, Florida, is also another victim of the worst kind of tinnitus. “I’m homebound and can’t do anything anymore. My tinnitus keeps getting louder and louder with more tones added when I expose to noises. Even talking is off the table.”

 

 

In Columbus, Ohio, Jerad Litton, 39, suffers just the same. “I have seven different tones, the worst is an electrical zap that feels explosive and hurts a lot, and then I have a humming sound that feels vibrational. Noise worsens all of them. I haven’t uttered a word in two years. Even whispering worsens my condition. Last time I tried to take a shower with earplugs and earmuffs it permanently worsened it. Even with protection it wasn’t enough. I’m too allergic to sound. Even brushing my teeth spikes my tinnitus to insane levels. So instead of a brush I have to use my finger to try to get through it with minimal reactions, and sometimes it will worsen me, but I have to take care of my teeth to some degree. Not doing so will lead to major problems, though I don’t even think the finger method is good enough. It’s a no-win situation. I keep worsening and can’t take noise . . . at all.”

 

 

Thirty-year-old Kenilworth Sekgapane in Kroonstad, South Africa said that, “Hell does not even describe what I’m going through. I’ve long surpassed that. I’m stuck in my house and my deafening ringing keeps rising to new permanent levels. I can’t tolerate any sounds; they worsen it.”

 

 

His plight is so severe that he attempted suicide in 2022.

 

 

Such suffering is morbid stuff, inhumane and torturous. They’re cut off from society, a shadow in its narrative. It’s not just some intrusive thing that tags along unsparingly but lets them live their daily lives (recall the back analogy)—it is their lives in every way, ruling their oppressive state as iron-fisted emperors. Death and bloodshed tailing. The fall of their humanity. Dignity dissolved. Life is only misery for those who get this obstacle, hiding from an endless list of unforgiving noises and listening to phantom T at levels otherworldly, some entrapped in Peltor muffs where that’s all they can ever hear. Since noises are everywhere, and they are now an allergy for those in this predicament, THERE IS NO COEXISTENCE. Life itself is paralyzed. So what’s left to enjoy, then? You see the tragic paradox? This nightmare with no second chance?

 

 

It’s not a mental point-of-view. Because they can’t take any sounds without destruction setting in, of course they’d think of suicide, when every task is harrowing and more or less impossible since sounds are part of all of them. Their fate is hiding in a house and doing almost nothing, see? It’s undiluted misery. Horror like A Quiet Place, the franchise made by Hollywood. Its scary plot is that noise itself is a huge crux, a ticket to death if making it. Except the situation for these tinnitus people is actually worse, because every sound is a ticket to a permanent increase of their ungodly symptoms. Not death. Death is dignity. Death is a release. These symptoms will never result in death, not naturally, at least.

 

 

So noting what we’ve read here, we can see the monumental chasm between the mild and livable kinds of tinnitus, and the concert- or jet- or gun-level cacophony which tortures the ones who seize a state of profound misfortune. It’s not just ringing, after all, as some just pointed out. Besides their cut off from the world, the catastrophic folks acquire a medley of tones that morph into a noise storm cyclonic in its character: static, piercing dental drills, Morse code dipping in and out, hissing at high-frequencies, humming at low-frequencies, a tractor or a mower sound, a jet that’s off the runway, and other strange obscenities. The tones adopt sensations, too, as Jerad pointed out, like electrical currents or deep vibration. It’s as if the brain assigns some phantom feelings.

 

 

The night and day difference between mild and severe is why we see the suicides, where for the latter group the scales which assess their ears’s load of suffering have tipped toward the extreme, their quality of living just an aural-stricken wasteland. The thing about this agony is skeptics voice their disbelief since tinnitus’s prevalence is somewhat high but livable (not this kind of tinnitus, but that’s why the disparity takes hold within the narrative). Those without its crushing wrath will scoff at those emphatic claims that it could squash a person’s life in such a grim, horrific way. A person’s inexperience will breed their skepticism.

 

 

But then Kent Taylor came along: the founder and former CEO of Texas Roadhouse, a booming chain of restaurants. Due to raging tinnitus the man committed suicide. Here was a businessman whose worth had cleared six hundred million dollars. Fame, success, and stellar work defined his legacy. He knew hard work and challenges, and yet the ingress of a beast—a lethal kind of tinnitus—had forged a dealbreaker; outside his home in Louisville, his lifeless, sprawled out, empty shell discovered in a pasture. The dark and somber end result of someone who had brilliance defeated by a monster, a testament to this condition’s power to destroy. Exorbitant realities and demons unappeasable can prep a person’s burial. He felt it wasn’t solvable except by getting out of here. The media reported it, citing that his tinnitus contributed to suicide (The Washington Post).

 

 

Countless others have also killed themselves when facing such calamities (we’ve reported some of them). Let’s not diminish the Kents of the world who were mercilessly vanquished. They died for tragic reasons, and it wasn’t because of weak- or crazy-minded stuff; their lives and bodies fell apart from tinnitus’s harsh assaults, plus the lack of treatments, support, and help contributing. And many are blocked when trying to get disability benefits. They have some of the worst imaginable symptoms and can’t get help from a broken system. Many in these shoes are hit with persecution, where other people’s apathy destroys their hopes and even kills. When families cling to disbelief and gaslight all these sufferers they feel so alone. That no one understands.

 

 

People need to change their perceptions of tinnitus and understand severity is everything. The ones who have it mild should refrain from judging other folks whose ringing reaches to the moon with its relentless agony, and they should thank their lucky stars that they can’t understand it, and have to use their thinking mind to try to understand it, since understanding really means that you’re tied to the torturer, and God forbid that such a thing would ever come about. It’s something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.

 

 

 

 

REFERENCES

 

 

[1]. Jarach CM, Lugo A, Scala M, et al. Global Prevalence and Incidence of Tinnitus: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis. JAMA Neurol. 2022;79(9):888–900. Doi:10.1001/jamaneurol.2022.2189. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamaneurology/fullarticle/2795168.

 

 

[2]. Tinnitus. Cleveland Clinic. 2023. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/14164-tinnitus.

 

 

[3]. Elfrink, Tim. Texas Roadhouse CEO dies by suicide while battling ‘unbearable’ post-covid-19 symptoms, family says. The Washington Post. 2021. https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/03/22/texas-roadhouse-kent-taylor-suicide/.

 

 

 

 

DISCLAIMER

 

 

*While Hyperacusis Central does NOT condone suicide, we’re presenting the fact that many with this condition feel pushed to end their lives. It is the nature of the beast, and for educational purposes it is very necessary to communicate the devastating fallout that it does have for some. If you or anyone you know is in need of assistance due to suicidal thoughts, call or text 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also chat with 988lifeline.org. Or text MHA to 741741 for the Crisis Text Line. Or, for a comprehensive list pertaining to different countries, visit the following link: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines. It is important to remember that you’re not alone in this, and help, if sought upon, is there for your consolement.